Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Dear Inner Dialogue,

I realize that the past several months of my unemployment has probably made you feel like you were totally off the hook since me sitting on the couch or at the computer has allowed you to have free rein to do as you wish.  Hell, for all I know you've decided to take your Grand Tour and didn't even have the consideration to leave me a bloody note.  I shouldn't be surprised as you were truly never that well-behaved to begin with.  Regardless, get your ass home NOW.  I need you.

As I was getting on the bus today after work* (see footnote**) I really could have used your assistance.  When the late-40-something lady with an uber-huge (probably non-fat, half-caff, and otherwise high-maintenance) Starbucks in one hand, an iPhone in the other, and a face that looked like...


... shoved me out of the way to get on first saying "sorry" in an unspecified direction somewhere over her shoulder, I probably should have left my reply to "no problem," instead of backing it up (loudly) with "age before beauty."

This is why I need you back.


p.s. On your way back, go through Germany and bring me back some Obatzda, would you?

p.p.s.  Sorry for the equation, but I've been doing math all day and you know how overstimulated I can get.


Hooray for Footnotes!!!

*Yeah, yeah, I know I've been going off about unemployment, but it's not a real job unless you have to show up there for at least eight hours a week.

**Sorry for having to explain the asterisk.  I by and large assume that people are idiots who would just think "hey, there's some kind of a star thing there, must be a typo" instead of actually knowing that it means look at the bottom of the page for further discussion.  And, actually, if you want to get really specific, the beginning of this footnote should read "sorry for having to explain the asterisks", but then I'd have to explain that in my brain "asterices" is a way better plural of asterisk.  Which I guess I kind of just did anyhow.

Okay.  I'm done.  Honest.



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