Thursday, December 31, 2009

Dear 2009,

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.  Good freaking riddance.

Let's tally up exactly what you gave me.

1. 10 mind-numbing months of unemployment.

Yeah, yeah, I did some part time work here and there, but let's face it.  I was an unemployed bum.  However, in my defense, it wasn't for lack of trying to be employed.  I've got peeps who can vouch for me on that one.

2. A new allergy.  To sunlight.  Yeah.

Insert vampire joke here.

3. Two solid weeks of eyelid twitches.

Seriously, universe?  SERIOUSLY?!  WTF.  The only thing to which I can possibly liken how annoying this was is having a toothless squirrel sit on your shoulder and gum your ear constantly for two weeks straight.  It doesn't hurt, but it's annoying as hell and makes you look like an even bigger weirdo than you already are.

4. The return of horrible menstrual cramps after I got The Husband neutered and ditched the birth control.

Every month I try to sell my uterus on eBay.  Turns out nobody else wants it either.

5. A bunch of stupid friend stuff.

Not going into specifics, but 2009 has been a sucky year of friends doing stupid things, friends dying, friends moving away, friends being disappointing, and some friends just plain not being friends anymore.

6. A greater likelihood of developing diabetes.

Until 2009 my Mom was in the clear.  Not any more.  I'm totally next.

7. Cirrhosis of the liver.

Okay, maybe not.  But I'm pretty sure that the trip The Husband and I took to Vegas in March alone was enough to make my liver want to put on a crash helmet.  Seriously, though - they give the stuff away.  For free.  And frankly, with the amount of money I made in Vegas (net), it's like the entire city of Las Vegas was paying me to get drunk.  THAT was a good job while it lasted.

Yeah, I'm actually that pale in real life.
See no. 2 re: sunlight allergy.

8. A hopeless addiction to Farmville.

What a stupid, stupid game.  But I'll be damned if I don't want more goats.

Me and my cats.

9. A bruise that literally took two months to go away.

Thank you, Gogol Bordello.  Kindly never play a venue with theatre seating again.  (Thigh + Armrest = Ouch)

10. You know what?

I was going to make it an even 10.  But you're not worth it, 2009.  Not worth it at all.  Get the hell out of here and never come back.


p.s. Oh hi, 2010.


  1. Couldn't agree more! It can't end fast enough for me!

  2. Addendum: make the two solid weeks of eyelid twitches a month and a half. Kill me now.

  3. Addendum 2: Eyelid still twitching. Actually have doctor's referral for Botox.