Dear Santa,

Here are some things I'd like for Christmas.

Handbag - Lux De Ville - $70 USD

Boots - Bordello / Pleaser USA - $75.00 USD (approx.)

Scarf - Alexander McQueen - $260.00 USD

1974 Plymouth Roadrunner - Vintage Autohaus & Imports - $24,900.00 USD

This House - $16,500,000.00

Love,

Robynn

ps. I know the house is a little much, but I just threw it in because it makes the $260.00 scarf seem a little less ridiculous.  Plus, it's got a stable, so it'll come in handy when I have to buy ponies for the universe.  Which, evidently, is what I'm going to have to do because I've tried everything else to get a job.

Dear Universe,

Thanks for listening! I got an email today for an interview at the job I really, really want! Unemployment sucks. You were probably withholding jobs from me for a long time because I had some serious payback to deal with. I guess I understand that. I did spend a lot of time horribly embittered with you after I lost my last job (along with roughly 100 other people.) Most of them have managed to find gainful employment since, but they probably didn't ride your ass as hard as I did, universe. So for what it's worth, I'm sorry. For now, I'm going to take this interview as a sign that perhaps you're not so sore with me anymore.

Love,

Robynn

p.s. If you actually GET me the job, I'll reconsider trying to find you a pony. Pony shortage or not, you'll deserve it. Maybe a little one like this:

That's actually not a pony, though. It's a miniature horse. But he's really cute! You'll also have to wait for a little while after you get me the job, because I'll have to save up some money.  Just so you know.  Actually, now that I think about it, you probably don't even want a pony.  You're the universe.  Let's face it - you can have all the ponies you want.  Let's talk terms and maybe I can do something else to appease you.  It'd be awesome if me buying a really nice handbag would make you happy.  Let me know if that works for you.

R

Dear divine forces (or whatever) that control the Vancouver job market,

Please give me that job. You know the one. The one I really, really want. It'd be super great if you could do that. You see, o forces of the universe (or whatever), you ain't exactly been so kind to ol' red of late. I'm thinking I should have some decent karma (or whatever) coming my way.

I'll totally make it worth your while, divine universary forces (or whatever). I'm good for it. I already cuddle kittens and tolerate other people's babies and such. Let me know what else you'd like, and I'll see if it can be arranged. However, if you want a pony, I won't be able to help you with that one. Since I'm still waiting on the one my Mom and I discussed about 28 years ago, I'm relatively certain that there has been some sort of massive pony shortage that the government hasn't told us about for the past few decades. In lieu of a pony, here is a picture of a cute little catball to tide you over.

Thanking you in advance.

Love,

Robynn