And so, I had Botox...

...and it wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be.

I didn't want Botox.

I didn't ask for Botox.

The whole thought of forcibly injecting botulism into my head didn't sit well with me.

I was medically ordered to get an injection of Botox for an issue I had with my eye.  My eye isn't really doing it anymore.  Robynn: 1; Botox: 1.  Tie game.  Better than me stapling my eyelid to my forehead.

Hm. Signs I Might Drink Too Much.

1. My guy at the liquor store notices when I change my hair.

2. I have a "guy at the liquor store".

3. I have actually uttered the phrase, "excuse me, Liquor Store Man, can you direct me to your cheap, inferior jugs of red wine?"  In my defense, it was Christmas Eve, I'd already had to wait in line for 20 minutes to get into the store, and I was going to a party where although everybody is required to bring a bottle of cheap swill to go into the communal mulled wine pot, past experience has indicated that $7 is evidently outside the budgetary restrictions of most patrons even though they can't resist the deliciousness.  (Read: Last year we ran out of wine and The Husband had to trudge home through the snow to retrieve more.  This year we brought 6L just in case.  And yes, we actually had snow in Vancouver last year.  We did this year too for about 20 minutes.)

4. All the ads on my blog are about livers for some reason.

I wonder why.

Dear 2009,

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.  Good freaking riddance.

Let's tally up exactly what you gave me.

1. 10 mind-numbing months of unemployment.

Yeah, yeah, I did some part time work here and there, but let's face it.  I was an unemployed bum.  However, in my defense, it wasn't for lack of trying to be employed.  I've got peeps who can vouch for me on that one.

2. A new allergy.  To sunlight.  Yeah.

Insert vampire joke here.

3. Two solid weeks of eyelid twitches.

Seriously, universe?  SERIOUSLY?!  WTF.  The only thing to which I can possibly liken how annoying this was is having a toothless squirrel sit on your shoulder and gum your ear constantly for two weeks straight.  It doesn't hurt, but it's annoying as hell and makes you look like an even bigger weirdo than you already are.

4. The return of horrible menstrual cramps after I got The Husband neutered and ditched the birth control.

Every month I try to sell my uterus on eBay.  Turns out nobody else wants it either.

5. A bunch of stupid friend stuff.

Not going into specifics, but 2009 has been a sucky year of friends doing stupid things, friends dying, friends moving away, friends being disappointing, and some friends just plain not being friends anymore.

6. A greater likelihood of developing diabetes.

Until 2009 my Mom was in the clear.  Not any more.  I'm totally next.

7. Cirrhosis of the liver.

Okay, maybe not.  But I'm pretty sure that the trip The Husband and I took to Vegas in March alone was enough to make my liver want to put on a crash helmet.  Seriously, though - they give the stuff away.  For free.  And frankly, with the amount of money I made in Vegas (net), it's like the entire city of Las Vegas was paying me to get drunk.  THAT was a good job while it lasted.

Yeah, I'm actually that pale in real life.

See no. 2 re: sunlight allergy.

8. A hopeless addiction to Farmville.

What a stupid, stupid game.  But I'll be damned if I don't want more goats.

Me and my cats.

9. A bruise that literally took two months to go away.

Thank you, Gogol Bordello.  Kindly never play a venue with theatre seating again.  (Thigh + Armrest = Ouch)

10. You know what?

I was going to make it an even 10.  But you're not worth it, 2009.  Not worth it at all.  Get the hell out of here and never come back.

Regards,

Robynn

p.s. Oh hi, 2010.

I Am Horrible. And I Suck.

Hey again,

I know I said I'd try to get back to posting a little more regularly, but sometimes life and the things that go along with it (like a husband, a job, and friends) get in the way.  Holiday season schmoliday season.  Some Christmas in the near future I'm taking a "me" day and carting myself off to Paris or something.  Somewhere where I don't know anybody, have nobody to shop for, and can fill myself up on as much wine and cheese as humanly possible and socially acceptable.  France seems like a logical destination.  Heck, I could probably get away with not shaving my legs either.

Anyhow, back to the point.  Again, sorry it's been so bloody long.  And again, a recap.

• Working again... - yay.
• ...possibly NOT temporarily... - double yay.
• ...but I won't know until sometime next week, maybe later - boo.
• It was Christmas... - yay.
• ...but I didn't get to spend it with my family... - boo.
• ...but I will be seeing them next week - double yay.
• ...and I did get to spend it with some awesome friends - also double yay.
• I made an awesome casserole... - yay.*
• ...that gave me heartburn... - boo
• ...and also took forever to get through... - boo/yay depending
• ...but was so delicious I had to eat the whole thing... meh.

That's about it, kids.  One of these days my promise to write more often won't be full of horse puckey.

On that note, good night and happy new year!

Love,

Robynn

*For those of you who follow the link to the casserole recipe, I've made some crucial changes.  Message me if you want 'em.

I Am Horrible.

Sorry, readers (all three of you.)  I've been trying to wrap my head around being a working stiff again, so consequently the blog has fallen by the wayside temporarily.  However, once I get used to the whole idea again I'll be back in full force!  But in the meantime, I am a horrible, horrible fairy blogmother.

Anyhow, things of note from the past week:

• Working again... - yay!
• ...possibly only temporarily - boo.
• Bought some bloody incredible tea... - yay!
• ...for my husband for Christmas - boo.
• Bought some new jeans... - yay!
• ...that are exactly the same as my old ones - meh.
• I finally got my mouse to work... - double yay!
• ...after an entire day of trying to figure out Japanese and wanting to smack myself in the face with a shovel - boo.

Now you're caught up.  Back in a bit, kids.

Love,

Robynn