Dear tiny & ridiculously cute pineapple (a.k.a. Gary),

It's too bad you weren't nearly as delicious as you were cute.  In hindsight, had I known you would have been so bland, flavourless, and horribly lacking in actual edible fruitstuff volume beneath your prickly wrapper I probably would have tried to dry you out and preserve you and turn you into some kind of jaunty Carmen Miranda chapeau.  However.

The next time I'm at the supermarket (and have the precise combination of PMS and crappy day necessary to make buying produce based on its cuteness alone seem like a good idea) I think I'll grab another one of you.  He'll be named Gary v.2.0, and he most certainly will end up being a Carmen Miranda hat.

Yours,

Robynn